Crying in the Parking Lot at Super Walmart

For whatever reason, I found myself really struggling last week. Most of the time, I'm a pretty cheerful and goal-oriented person. Last week, though, every day seemed to be a challenge. It just seemed like the weight of all of the details of our busy lives and all of the demands on me from the people that I love were pressing down on me. The details and demands were pressing really hard, too.

On Thursday, we took the day off from our normal school routine. The boys had karate in the morning, M had a time-consuming afternoon appointment to get fitted for a retainer, and A had swim team practice at a different pool further away than usual. In between all of that, there was little time for a normal day of school.

So, I used the time in the later afternoon to go to Super Walmart. I REALLY needed to go to Super Walmart. We were out or just about out of most of the things that I purchase there. We do most of our grocery shopping at Aldi and my husband doesn't mind going there once a week - he can be in and out with perfectly packed boxes in 30 minutes or less. But, sadly, we can't buy everything we need at Aldi. So, about once a month I have to make a big trip to Super Walmart. I absolutely HATE going to Super Walmart. It just feels like an ordeal every time - the store is so big, my list is so long, the lighting is yucky, it's hard to find everything on my list, and it seems to take forever to get all of my shopping done. But, since I couldn't put it off any longer, I drove to Super Walmart (by myself) and parked the mini-van.

As I was sitting in my mini-van, preparing to go in the store, I was suddenly gripped by an overwhelming anxious feeling - I just couldn't face going into the store and purchasing all of the items on my list. I just started to cry and the more I cried, the more upset I became until I had worked myself into a crying fit. My nose was running, my breath was ragged, I was openly sobbing. I crawled into the back seats of the mini-van to hide and just had a really good, long cry. When I was done, I was splotchy and red, my eyes were swollen, and I looked horrible. But, I cleaned myself up a bit, braced myself and went shopping.

Shopping at Super Walmart was an ordeal, the store seemed even bigger, my list WAS long, the lighting was particularly yucky, and I struggled to find everything on my list AND it DID take forever. But, I was feeling better and I made it through the shopping expedition.

Then I started to worry about my parking lot meltdown. Am I losing my mind? Are the pressures of homeschooling finally causing me to come unglued? Am I a good mother? Am I a good wife? What is wrong with me that I can't even complete a simple shopping trip without making a scene?

When I got home, I talked to my husband about what happened. He just looked at me and said, "That's why I always park far away." And then I started to laugh. And I laughed and I laughed and I laughed. Riding the bumps of life is so much easier with a wonderful husband who cushions the blows with humour and kindness.